if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
