I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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