The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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