I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.