we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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