Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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