Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You're so nebulous sometimes
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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