he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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