Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
