we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
