I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
