This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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