Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
