I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I love you.
Bad choice
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
