I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
