i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
