Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize