yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
