Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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