Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I am spending my child support on dildos
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
