yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You may now shotgun with the bride
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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