So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
