This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize