I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
