She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
