Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
