I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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