I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
