I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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