Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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