I showed him my bush... on skype.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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