fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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