last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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