I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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