Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
