he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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