we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
