"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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