When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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