they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
