her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
