remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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