sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
the day after is always just damage control
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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