Pappa wants mamma naked
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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