Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
