I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
