i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you win again, gameday.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
