dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
