Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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