:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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