i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
