remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
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