I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
