we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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