wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
