Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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