My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
