LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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