At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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