he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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