yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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