i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
