I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
