He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
