Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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